Whenever I see something that I really want, I feel a little bit sick. This is caused partly by the excitement and anxiety that comes with desire (will I get it? won’t I?) and partly by the fact that I am always prepared for denial. I’ve been conditioned to think that whatever I want is the most expensive or the hardest to attain, when it really isn’t. I’m so used to hearing “no” that I don’t even want to look sometimes.
I really hope that doesn’t happen this time.
on the way back home, my sister and i planned on listening to an iPod because the rental car had one of those USB ports for it. she wanted to listen to some podcast but i wanted to listen to girl talk. me, being a bratty little sister, wouldn’t give up when i didn’t get my way.
“I’m going to tawk in a Brih-ish ak-sent for the rest of the trip then”
“Dude, shut the fuck up”
“I fink you mean ‘Bugger off’”
*throws USB cord at my face*
it’s a subtle grievance, but i hate that we started the day together and we can’t end it together. nothing like spending days and nights with you to remind me how alone i feel sometimes.
- my manager: ouu what is that SMELL??
- me: ...it's my salad. i have italian dressing on it.
- my manager: oh my, it certainly is strong...but uh it must be because i'm hungry, that's why it's so shocking
I want so badly to relate with my children. If I could have a child right now, I would. I want so badly to take care of them and love them and connect on the deepest level with them.
I was just reading an article on Mormon mommy blogs and how the Mormon church places a lot of respect on women because motherhood is a very important responsibility. I feel like there is a stigma surrounding young women who look forward to making children and family a priority. I know that I need to figure who I am as a person in society, but deep down, I believe that being a parent is one of my main purposes in life. I can’t wait to start a family (a while from now) and experience all of the joys and shitty parts together.
and I don’t think I can finish it because it’s so fucking sad and heartwarming
I cried reading the plot summary on wikipedia (even though I already know the story)
Long story short, my car needs repairs that are way out of my price range, and are also not worth it in the long run. It’s a ‘96 Dodge Stratus. Let’s not try to make it live forever. I parked it in front of my aunt’s house on Friday morning and said my goodbyes. Ian drove me back up to school and he’s been a real sport about being the sole driver in this relationship. I reassured my mom that I don’t need a car, at least not until summer. I can bike everywhere I need to be and my sister can take me to the grocery store. What kind of idealistic ho do I think I am? Ian left this morning and I spent all day in my pink fuzzy robe eating things that started with “C” (cheese, crackers, chicken, cranberry sauce, cookies, cereal…totally a coincidence) and watching That 70’s Show. I have things I need to do. Go back to school shopping, go to the laundromat, make contact with other human beings.
WHO WAS I KIDDING
HAVING NO CAR SUCKS
I am all bajiggety about getting back to Chesapeake so I can take my whip to CarMax and seeing what they can do for me. I somewhat outlined my budget for the year, and I think I could handle a modest car payment (if, in fact, those do exist). I just need to find a way back home. Why the fuck didn’t I do this before I came back to school…
I’ll tell you why. Because after a month of living at my boyfriend’s parents’ house, I reeeeeally wanted to be alone with Ian. Sorry, Grandma. I know you said not to let boys past the living room, but I’m a modern lady.
tl;dr want new car but plan is delayed due to hormones
all you really need to have a good time